What [not] to Wear…a blogessy

By | April 6, 2009

In the interest of keeping things cheap, I tend to wear basics to work and buy things that match *everything* (or at least something) in my wardrobe. I like simple accessories that go a long way, stretch my dollar and all that jazz. I like colors that can go day and night and still look fabulous and my shoes are all “sensible”…except for this one pair that are sparkly and silver and fucktabulous.

As a basics-as-everyday-wear kinda person I’m always on the hunt for new fatshion advice. How can I incorporate a lime green cami into my closet? What basics do I need this summer that can make my fabulous old wardrobe stand out? Is this chunky necklace good or will it make my tits look small? Anywho, you get the idea. I have this craving for fatshion knowledge. Enter my new friend in Denver, Andrea.

Andrea wrote a web-article for the Denver Examiner that shows up firstly on the Google news hunt under “plus size fashion.” Her article, Top 5 Tips for Plus-Size Dressing Well gave you guessed it, five different fatshion pointers. I read all five in eager haste and then had to scrub my ears clean.

Aside from the picture of a possible fatlette in a fabulous pink top and ill-fitting jeans, the article regurgitated sundry plus-size fashion advice from years-be-gone-already. Wear navy or brown (or black) because it’s slimming. Right, because I want to walk around looking like a funeral attendee forever. Don’t wear chunky accessories. Shit, I should throw away my ginormous earing collection and chunky beaded necklaces. Wouldn’t want to draw attention to my…ears. Wear a bigger size so your fat rolls don’t show. Of course.

Does this tent make my neck look fat?

Does my ass make my head look fat?

How about these five tips, as submitted by Etana:

1. Ignore the label. Sizing in the fashion world is irregular and based on facetious concepts (small, medium, large, super-large, etc.) and hardly indicative of one’s actual physical size. Get what fits, not what says it should.

2. Grab some colors! Don’t be afraid of neon pink or royal purple. No more wallflower for you, fat does not equal shadow dweller!

3. Love your accessories. Whether you fall for a silver spoon pin or stick flower pins in your hair, deck yourself out. Rock some polish, sparkle in rings, pierce your lip. Go all out. It completes an outfit and it brings your personal touch to likely purchased goods.

4. Fall for print. It’s ok to wear print and be fat. I know the rule book says stripes are bad if horizontal but that’s old school. Stripes, polka dots, dazzle swirls. It’s all good.

5. Experiment. You never know what’s going to look good on you until you try it. I was terrified of tall boots and now I can’t live without them. I hated large belts over tunics and dresses and now I own 4. Experimentation and even ballooning out of that comfort zone can make all the fatshion difference.

Care to add to this list? Comment and we’ll add your idea to the list!

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