Thank you.
Jes

I come to this piece at the age of 25, via a rabbit hole of links from your piece on the daily mail. After twenty years of being “fat,” I’m now a distance runner and a yoga practitioner, and I’ve grown to love whole foods in balanced quantities.* At 5’9″, I’ve been 275 pounds, and am now about 145-150 pounds, and hope to keep it that way as long as I live. It took me six years to lose 125 pounds, and it went up and down and up and down the whole time until very recently. I starved and binged, I drank and smoked cigarettes, I smoked pot every day for five years, I lost 30 pounds every summer only to gain 20 back every winter. Depression, desperation, and fear. Finally, for six months and hopefully for the rest of my life, I’ve stabilized at a weight the medical establishment deems “healthy.”

The problem is the mind, which hasn’t quite caught up yet. I’ve trained myself and practiced enough to love exercise and a clean diet, but not my body, not yet, I just don’t understand it! My boyfriend, a vegetarian and a doctor, said to me last night: “you should go out and buy a pair of shorts tomorrow, it’s going to be so hot and YOU’RE going to be so hot!” I said, “but I’ve never worn shorts before! I don’t even know where to start!!” It’s the truth. I’ve never worn a pair of shorts in my whole life because I was so ashamed of my legs and my shape and the eyes and judgements of strangers. It wasn’t anything negative anyone ever said – I was always the smartest girl in the class, the musician, the one people came to when they had things that were hard to talk about, I was *loved* – it came from within, from a place of fear. Fear is a cage I built around myself, a cage so much larger than any physical attribute could have ever been, and I suffered.

Leslie, I’m not a fat girl anymore, but I can’t tell you how much this piece has inspired me to embrace the body I have, whether it’s 275 or 140 or anything in between. I had to get over a lot to get into my groove now – and I have a lot to get over still – but what you have written today is so inspiring to me and for human beings of all shapes and sizes, everywhere. It’s just a simple human fact that self-love is freedom, and I applaud you for loving yourself and telling your story in a public forum. We are all worthy participants in the world, and we are all beautiful for our lives and spirit. We can all learn so much from you, your positive spirit, your lightness of heart.

Leslie, I’m going shopping for shorts now, thanks again!!

*This is not intended to be a judgement or highfalutin statements or medical advice, this is MY story, what’s best for ME. I sincerely honestly from the bottom of my heart hope that no one reads this and reflects on themselves negatively, I share only for the purpose of explaining who I am today. And if I’m happy today, it’s not because I’m a size 8, it’s because my heart is full and my mind is free.

I went with Synthesis, she went with Destroy… and immediately wished she hadn’t. Seeing that little gasp that Shepard takes in the Destroy ending, she was positive that her Shepard killed himself from the guilt as soon as he was able to lift a gun to his brow.

I really, absolutely don’t understand the disappointment in the ending. Stages of grief, really, starting with denial (Indoctrination Theory) and heading on downwards. I loved the ending, but I totally spent the rest of the day mourning the death of my Shepard, and finding a tiny amount of comfort in reading that turians have a similar lifespan to humans, so at least Garrus won’t have to live for centuries without her.

Ann
The Spiral Bookcase