[Guestblog] Boobage. Yes that.

By | March 9, 2010

I walked into a commonly-loathed fatshion store and tried on the 2 bras offered to me. They came in black and beige with polyester all over. Struggling to squish my tits into one, then the other cup was like playing chicken with the fat kid on top. It just so happened that of the two options available to me, only one option fit somewhat acceptable and so I walked out with a beige monstrosity big enough to fit on a toddler’s head.

I have been fighting with the bra industry for acceptable support since I started developing torpedo tits in the fourth grade. Back then it was ‘fuck it I’ll wear a t-shirt” and the occasional check-in from a classmate. Ever had an older kid try to snap a bra strap you didn’t have? It’s actually more embarrassing than later when I got snapped by an actual bra strap on my back. Granted this is steeped in misogyny and gender expectations that are screwed up and worthless as-is, I still felt the pressure to holster up and get my tits further up my body than gravity allowed.

By high school I was what I thought to be a DDD cup. This lasted through several bouts of anorexia and bulimia causing my front end to topple over my wasting bottom end more than once. I had an aching back, an aching butt, an aching body. Then I gained weight and everything balanced out. I went to college, went to my professional life, bought some femme attire and started hunting for a good bra fitting that told me how to properly hoist the flab in front to make me look like Wonder Woman. That’s when I found out I was a 42 F/G/H depending on the brand.



I’m fucking huge, no? Then I found out lots of boob-toting folk have some crazy alphabet number on their body. Except the bra industry says SUCK IT and gives us A-DDD. Except Lane Bryant who says here, have 2 options in F-H. Not sufficient I say, not sufficient. So I had a low point. I hit bottom. I wanted pretty.

I talked to a boob surgeon.

I called my insurance company and found out I could reduce my tits for almost no monies. Cool! Smaller tits equal better fitting garments! Equal cuter bras! Equal cheaper bras? Equal cuter bras! Oh yeah also maybe less pain, that’s why insurance would cough up cold hard cash. I mean they don’t really care how my wrap dress fits or whether or not this bra has flowers vs the beige terror. So I scheduled an appointment with a plastic (?) surgeon for the start of 2010 and began doing some research.

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS SO MANY PEOPLE CHOP THEIR BOOBS UP. After posting on Facebook about whether I should chop or not, 22 people responded with “DO IT” and 1 person said “bad idea.” TWENTY TWO PEOPLE – I never get that many comments to my inane FB ramblings and queries. Most said cuter bras/less pain for the win! and some said better fitting garments. Most all said it was the best idea ever.

I never made it to my boob doc appointment. Not only did I not want to cough up $25 to talk about my tits, I started thinking about fat acceptance. Granted most of my personal thoughts could be harvested for a whole new exciting post, I still thought I’d share a few here. Maybe increase discussion. Maybe talk more about boobs. I mean I love boobs.

Wikipedia tells me that in 2005 over 113,000 women had breast reduction surgery. It also tells me that the most common candidate has gigantomastia – super huge boobs. That name alone makes me giggle – of COURSE they’re gigantic! Who came up with that name, baby cousin #2? It also links me to websites on candidate before/after pictures. I scrolled those pictures. I squinted at the bodies and boob sizes. I ooh’d and aaaah’d at the amazing! post-op! results!

But in the end I noticed that not a fat body was found among the post-op pictures. I didn’t know what the boob re-scale would do to my currently proportionate shape. I didn’t get a clear answer in the phone consult or via my primary care doctor on whether reducing the fat in my boobs would reduce the pain in my body, or if that was similar to saying I should reduce the fat on my body to reduce the pain in my body. And I’m not a fan of dieting to reduce pain, hasn’t worked for me yet and too often gets used as an excuse for treating fat bodies by fair health standards.

I also didn’t like the way my brain was moving. Is it really ok for me as a fat acceptance and health at every size fatshionista to cut my body up for better bras? Why not cut my stomach up for better shirts, or my thighs up for better pants? It’s all body modification outside of health and doesn’t do a helluva lot to increase my fledgling body acceptance and love. If I’m demanding that the problem isn’t with my body but rather the clothing industry when a dress fails to fit, the same should be true for bras. I just have to dig deeper for cute undergarments and learn to love my tits for what they are – giggle – gigantomastias.

And indeed, I found a polka-dotted bra and I LOVE IT.

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