making accessories work

I love cleavage. I love that one of the most recent Fatshionista Twitter questions involving summer accessories involved queenbbb admitting that cleavage was a favorite summer accessory. I agree, summer cleavage makes me and Regina Spektor happy. There’s so much to it; how to get the right pusher-upper bra if you want a particular look, how to get the right droopy shirt so the temptation is perfected, etc.

But with cleavage comes a degree of responsibility. The most important one, I think is to make sure layering clothing doesn’t take away from or *gasp* hide it. Case in point: my favorite purple cardigan and pink v-neck cami. I am wearing these today (hi New England fatties!) and before leaving my house realized that – horror of horrors – the cardigan kept off-setting my rockin’ cleavage. Racking my brain and rack o-stuff I came up with a very convenient and sassy solution: employ more spoons.

Some of you may be aware of spoon theory: how much energy folks with chronic pain have in a given day to perform basic life tasks + socialize, etc. As someone with chronic pain I have been reticent to claim this whole concept as my own as generally I don’t walk around with physical spoons to play with. But not this morning friends, this morning I come prepared with my very own spoon so far out of the theoretical that it happens to be saving my cleavage.

While trying to keep the integrity of my rocker-chick ensemble (mmm office attire) I decided to discipline my cardigan with a simple spoon pin. Representative of the ever-allusive amount of energy I’m supposed to have in a day to dedicate to fashion, self-care, cooking, cleaning, dog-grooming, working, relaxing, writing, reading, being a student, being a lover…..is the spoon on my right breast. Very deep, very meaningful, very psycho-analytical if you will. Also very handy.

By inserting the spoon pin into both my cardigan and the linear part of the cami I got a clean, fatshionable save to the cardigan-screwing-with-my-cleavage problem. Now cardigan sits in place and my metaphorical spoons being used for other, more pressing matters can relax; a nice shiny faux-silver spoon is physically in place holding me together.

Accessories: not just for looking hawt anymore.

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