Black is the new FemiSlim NutriShake

Let’s get one thing straight, let’s bust this “beauty” myth, let’s all promise to stop saying it:

“Black is so slimming!”

Since I started a job that has an all black dress code, I have heard every variation on that tired nugget. “You’re so lucky! Black will totally slim you/Take X pounds off you/define the waist/make you look like you are trying to look socially acceptable!”

This is not true. You can still see the outline of my belly, or a rounded thigh as I walk or climb a ladder or crouch to pick something up for a customer. Hell, you can even see bare arms and elbows when I wear a short sleeved shirt. Repeat after me, “Black doesn’t hide any of it better than tangerine or chartreuse or cerise, and that’s all right.”

If I had my pick, I would wear neon to work (and I do, when customers can’t see me). All black does for me is make me look like my elementary school self trying to be a baby goth. Luckily, I’ve laid off the black lipstick and have a better haircut now.

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