Die in a Fire, and Other Terms of Endearment: Let’s do something nice for PETA!

By | August 18, 2009

Oh PETA, I have something for you. It’s three hundred pounds of raw death fat power, and it’s quivering with rage.

I wasn’t going to blog about this because, PETA, it’s been well-established for awhile now that you are assholes. And as a general rule I don’t waste my time on trying to communicate with assholes.

However, Twitter’s blowing up this afternoon with outrage at your most recent billboard and I thought I should say something. The something I want to say, because I just don’t say it enough, is: fuck you, PETA.

PETA is assholes.

From the PETA blog post unveiling this delight of hatred and body-shaming:

For most of us, summer is fading fast, but for residents of Jacksonville, Florida, bikini season lasts all year. What does the Sunshine State’s endless summer mean for PETA? Our phone lines ring off the hook with reports of “beached whale sightings.” Good one, guys.

Luckily, we know the secret to getting—and maintaining—a killer beach bod. Did you know that vegetarians are 20 to 30 percent leaner than meat-eaters?

The “beached whale” picture they chose to link is especially classy.

According to my highly scientific anecdata (well, it’s at least as scientific as their research into vegetarianism/veganism and weight loss) PETA’s suggestion that vegetarianism or veganism leads to weight loss is inaccurate at best. I was a fat vegetarian for eight years. My husband? A fat vegetarian for four years. I have friends who have been fat vegetarians for a decade and more. I even know a couple of fat vegans. And I know this isn’t news to you; I know you’re quite aware that there are plenty of fatass vegetarians. I mean, people have been telling you this for years. And even beyond your sweet track record of fat-shaming, you also have an impressive legacy of shockingly overt racism and sexism as well.

So I’m led to believe that y’all aren’t really interested in promoting vegetarian or vegan lifestyles at all. You’re not actually committed to making the world a better place, to promoting the abolition of unsustainable and unhealthy modes of food production and culture. Rather, you’re in this for the pure joy you derive from being assholes. You get a big giant throbbing boner from making people feel like shit about themselves. Unfortunately for you, I’m personally no longer at a place where seeing this kind of billboard can make me upset or even ruin my day; at most (and I did this when I first saw this billboard on the Fatshionista LiveJournal community last week) I tend to roll my eyes and halfheartedly shrug: “Eh, PETA’s just being PETA: assholes.”

I feel bad about this, I do. I feel like I’m denying you your boner, the thing that gives you the most joy, and even though you despise me and find me repulsive, I am going to be the bigger person (see what I did there?) and try to make up for my lack of feeling hurt and sad and hating myself. So I’m starting a grassroots campaign to invite everyone I know to say “Fuck You” to PETA.

If you’re on Twitter, you can say “Fuck You” to PETA by replying to @officialpeta. (ETA: If you’re as fond of profanity as I am, include the hashtag #fuckyoupeta as well!)

You can say “Fuck You” to PETA on their blog here, though be warned some of the comments there may cost you some sanity points.

If you don’t have the sanity points to spare, you can say “Fuck You” to PETA in comments to this post right here and I’ll make sure PETA gets your message.

You can also email your “Fuck You” directly to PETA using this handy online form. (The beauty of the online form is that you can even give them a fake email address if you want, like fuckyoupeta@youareassholes.com.)

Got a blog? Say “Fuck You” to PETA in a post of your own there and send them a link to your post using the form above; also drop a link in comments below so we can all share in the joy.

If you use LiveJournal, here’s a quickie LJ icon you can steal. You don’t even need to credit!

Let’s think of this as the First Official “Fuck You PETA” Carnival. You can say “Fuck You” to PETA for being sexist, racist, body-shaming and hateful, generally insulting, because you love meat, or for no reason at all – the important thing is that you say it. Let’s give PETA the hate-boner they so richly deserve for all the hard work they put into being assholes. Together, we can.

ETA: Also check out the billboard improvements posted here and here. Got a Whale-banner upgrade? Link it in comments and I’ll add it here.

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